I am a masculine man, tall and muscular and with facial hair. I was raised by in a very strict Catholic family in the very conservative town of Bucksnort, Idaho. I was a Marine and boxer and once broke a pitbull's jaw when he attacked my little kitty-cat. I like to frequent Irish bars and let people punch me while I drink. I am fond of female oatmeal wrestling. But last night I had this dream that's got me scared. In the dream I awake in the middle of the night to smoke a cig and that Taco Bell dog is sitting on the porch, also smoking. But instead of smoking a cigarette, he has a cucumber in his mouth. I say to him, "You can't smoke a cucumber, it's unnatural." And he takes the thing from his mouth and puts it in mine, and I smoke it, and it's better than any cigarette I ever smoked. It's cold so I invite him inside. I'm ashamed to say any more, but at the end of the dream the cute little feller says, "Yo Queero, friend," and I wake up and my sheets are wet. I called my mother in Bucksnort to ask for her advice and when I told her about the dream she started crying and hung up the phone. Please tell me I'm not a homosapien. I'm really scared.